Flying Solo

When you're alone in a foreign land, you're completely immersed. You find yourself having conversations with locals at a bus stop, conversations you would have never had if you were too occupied with your friend bubble. You pay more attention to your surroundings, observing people and mannerisms. You're more present to the moment, your senses sharpened, your curiosity piqued. In our daily busy lives there's few such opportunities to check in with yourself, to really see what you're made of, to uncover what thoughts and fears you're drowning out under the mask of being busy. 

Won't I get lonely or bored? 

In actuality solo travel is not lonely at all. It's merely company when you want it, no company when you don't. Solo travelers, especially women, tend to get treated like lost puppies. There's been many occasions when I've gotten "adopted" by a group of hikers, made friends with the kitchen staff, with my guide, etc. Your paths cross for a moment and then drift away. You're free to break that link whenever you wish. 

Tip: Travel with a Kindle and load it with 4-5 books prior to your trip. My Kindle is my constant companion. It's always in my bag - I can pop it out when I'm eating, sitting at a park, waiting in line, etc. If you really hate reading, an alternative is audio books or podcasts - download these on your phone and you always have entertainment.  

"But that sounds like some free-willy hippie nonsense", you say. "What about getting kidnapped?" 

To be honest, I was never concerned because my parents always told me that anyone who tries to kidnap me will bring me back, with interest to boot. All my life I've embraced being a giant pain in the rear as a safety mechanism. 

In reality, most people, or 99.999% of the world, don't care at all about you. You are honestly not that important. Don't feel bad, there is a lot power in that invisibility cloak.

For every assault that gets featured, nobody reports the stranger running after you in order to give you that debit card you dropped (true story - and in a poor town in Amazonian Brazil of all places). Nobody reports all the times you successfully made it to your destination thanks to hitching a ride from a stranger on a scooter. Nobody reports the search party that helped you find your phone when you dropped it on a volcano.

Truthfully, something is more likely to happen to you at a gas station in your hometown than it is on a mountain far away from home.

But what about that 0.001%? 

On the plains of the Serengeti, predators have a way of sensing weakness, of going for the weakest link in a herd of gazelles. Let someone else be that weakest link.

At home, you don't go walking unlit streets at 2am wearing a bright dress right? Why would you do that abroad? Each town has their share of better and worse neighborhoods - simply don't go to the bad ones, where there's more likely to be bad actors.

You can't change your skin color, which means in some places you'll stick out like a sore thumb regardless of what you do. However you can dress down to not attract attention, or dress similarly to the locals. In that manner you can pass for a student or some kind of worker, rather than a starry eyed tourist. Light colored eyes? Sunglasses are your new best friend. Blonde hair? Baseball cap.

Most important is attitude. Act like you know where you're going - dip into a store to consult a map or a phone, not out on the street. Add a tougher look to your demeanor. How to not look like an easy target? Take an example from the pufferfish - your RBF (resting b**** face) is the best defense. Simply put, look like there's targets to be had who are much easier than you.

Confidence is great, but it does not replace a real tool. My favorite is the kitty keychain. It's a keychain made of hard plastic that has the appearance of a cat, but in fact is a painful variation of brass knuckles. While not exactly legal in all places, they are small, discreet, and have passed security in every airport I've ever been to. Should I ever need to use these (I haven't yet), I'd rather ask for forgiveness, not permission.

My best advice here is how I started - just start small, build up your confidence, and work your way up. Here's a natural progression:  

1. Do an activity on your own that you'd otherwise always have company with, like a museum or a workshop
2. Travel to another town on your own. You can visit friends elsewhere, but don't stay with them. Make sure you have at least half the time to be on your own
   
3. Spend a weekend in a destination completely new to you, where you know absolutely no one (or you don't tell them you are in town) 
4. Sign up for a group trip abroad. Make sure you sign up solo and that the group is comprised of strangers. Companies like Intrepid Travel, G Adventures, or many on the list here offer small organized group tours. Your college alumni association also often organizes group tours several times a year
5. Take a solo vacation someplace you've never been that is a developed country. I recommend Europe, as the customs and infrastructure are familiar enough that you won't feel like a fish out of water
6. Expand outwards to the developing world. Note that the less developed the country, the more your first world sensibilities will be shaken. But by this step, you've had enough experiences and confidence under your belt that you're ready to take on anything