Animal Planet, Creepy Crawler Edition (Darién - Part 3)
Fact: the chances of getting a mosquito transmitted illness must be greater
than 1 in 200.
How do I know? After one night of camping, I stopped counting the bug bites on
my body once I reached 200. The evidence brings forth 2 theories: 1) there was
a structural integrity issue in my cocoon of mosquito netting, and 2)
mosquitoes bite through supposedly bug repellant clothing.
REI, you have failed
me.
The mosquitoes treated me like the newest and lowliest prisoner on the totem
pole in a maximum security federal prison. In simpler words, my butt 🍑 was
minced meat. Literally. Never one without a plan B or my personal first aid
kit, I had a blast being doped up on Benadryl so I don't swell up like one of
the Kardashians.
One of the things I wanted to do was see the nocturnal scaries. I know, I
don't get myself either sometimes.
A number of creepy crawlers such as tarantulas and scorpions only come out to
play after dark. I was mentally preparing myself for this all day. The jungle
is tough enough during the day, but at night it's even louder and scarier. How
far will we have to walk from camp to spot anything?
Not very far.
A mere 20 feet from my bed: cue big hairy tarantula. Nothing, I repeat
nothing, should have all 3: fangs, more than 4 legs, and hair.
Take a couple more steps… a different kind of hairy spider. Why do so many of
them have hair - that’s just
wrong. Poison frog. Lizard. Baby
snake. More spiders.
It turns out that every single one of those gleaming drops in the grass is not
water, like I initially thought.
Its eyes. Spider eyes.
This is one of those
sights I can't unsee. I realize that I am hopelessly outnumbered if the
spiders gain a higher level of intelligence and learn how to cooperate amongst
themselves.
At this point I'm itching all over, both psychosomatically and from the
mosquitoes. Two positive outcomes: the daddy long-legs in my garage have no
power over me anymore, and this wonderful song of my own creation:
Rules of the jungle, a parody of Dua Lipa
One, don't pick up the stone, you know a creepy crawler awaits cause he's hungry and alone
Two, don't let him in, keep all belongings in closed bags or you'll have to kick him out again
Three, don't be his friend cause you know he will wake up in your bed in the morning
And if you're left exposed; you're ain't getting away without a bite
Sweet dreams everyone.
#wildlife is my fav!
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