Up and Over A Dead Woman (Inca Trail

A brutal uphill slog over Dead Woman’s Pass. Aptly named because the mountain silhouette looks like a woman laying on her back.

Apparently. Do you see it?

We spent at least 10 minutes dissecting where exactly this woman is supposed to be, body parts and all. This is how I know this crossing was named by a lonely old man - who else sees female silhouettes everywhere they go?

We hiked up through the cloud forest, gaining elevation rapidly and watched the vegetation change from lush forest to shrubbery to rock.

It was at this point that my friend admitted the Andes mountains were a wee bit larger than the hills she was thinking they would be. Don't judge too harshly, where she’s from they think everything smaller than the Himalayas are hills. Reinforcements were needed.

Cue coca leaves, which the locals drink and chew all the time. I first encountered coca leaves in Cusco, where every establishment greets you with coca tea and dried leaves are sold on every corner for a quarter. An ancient folk remedy for many ills, it also polishes teeth and helps with altitude acclimation. Wow, the magic of chocolate right?

No.

Note - coca, not cacao. Cacao is the chocolate plant. Coca is actually the main ingredient in a certain white powder known as cocaine.

Oops.

No wonder I had trouble sleeping the first few nights, back when I thought coca was similar to chamomile. It takes about one ton of coca leaves to make 1 kilo of cocaine, so a handful of leaves is an infinitesimally small dose, though Google suggests to not take a drug test anytime soon. Don't take any leaves back home either, because those cute customs dogs will rat you out without mercy.

Aside from Peru, Colombia and Bolivia, the rest of the world still prefers coffee. Party poopers.